thefantom1
New member
I was lucky enough to pick up a hitchhiker today..... or so I thought I was lucky...... the first clue that this clown was not right was the tool belt he was wearing......Hmmm..kinda strange..but the guy looked like he needed a lift..Another odd thing I noticed is that he wasn't using his thumb to "thumb a ride" he was using his index finger. Very strange.. As he hopped into my car he asked if I had any old Motown music to listen to...... of course I didn't..... I noticed he was wearing a t-shirt that said "Joe's Crematorium" For some reason this dude seemed familiar...... I asked where he was headed to and he replied "Hades.... its just down the road a bit" It was then that I noticed that he had a big bandage on where his thumb was..... I asked about it and he replied that his hand got caught in his blender...... this guy was a trip....... Here is where I made my first mistake..... I asked him his name............. In a deep, throaty growl through clenched teeth he said "LOREN" Oh shit........ Im in fucking trouble now.......... Great, I pick up the infamous pillow biter....... Maybe this guy is just some dude really named Loren... So I ask him when his birthday was "MAY10" Oh boy.... this is not good...not good at all..... He then asked "Do you happen to have a tire iron" To this I felt a huge sigh of relief........ I was probably merely going to be killed in some very bloody way...... a much better option then being in the next "Muscle Party Pictures".. There is a God... So I told him I had one in the trunk. He then smiled and handed me a silver flask and asked if I wanted a small sip....... "Sure" I said.. but as I read the flask I noticed it said "Absinthe" on it...... I asked what "Absinthe" was and he said it Slovakian for whiskey..... "Ok, cool" so I took a big swig...... man did it taste awful... so we are cruising along and this clown takes out a boxcutter..."Oh my God...your a terrorist"! I scream at him....... to which he merely laughs. He then started to cut off his finger nails.... So he is bleeding in my car and flicking what is left of his fingernails onto my windshield (where they would stick for a bit and then slide down in a small red bloody trail and into my defroster....... damn!!) Finally I had enough....... "Ok Buttsniffer--------- I know your name is not Loren..and you weren't born on May10. The gig is up Pinnochio"!
"Fantom--- you insignificant piece of human colon waste-- How the hell are you" ?
"Well Satanic Ballslayer.... I'd be doing a lot better if you weren't bleeding all over my damn car"
Then a very eerie silence........ I believe the Demented One was contemplating his next move... I think he felt that he had finally found his match....
"Stop the car" I stop the car and he takes the box cutter and cuts me on the arm.... barely even drawing blood.
"What the hell was that" ?? I scream at him? "I finally meet the Choadlicker and all he does is give me a damn paper cut on the arm"?? I was pissed.. so I stuck my neck out for him to slice...but he only smiled and backed away from the car......Well blow me.....
He then waved his hand (the thumb was missing) and said....
"Take care Fantom1....... you have 9 lives my friend...and you just used 1 of them"
So there is my story of my hitchhiker.... I really thought I was going to be in a Muscle Party Pictures part II there for a minute...Thank you Lord that that did not happen. All I got was a small cut on my forearm from the Goatchild......which I will take anyday instead of the pic party......... Hey!! Wait a minute!! That bastard stole my Tire Iron!!!!!!
So how was your day??
"Fantom--- you insignificant piece of human colon waste-- How the hell are you" ?
"Well Satanic Ballslayer.... I'd be doing a lot better if you weren't bleeding all over my damn car"
Then a very eerie silence........ I believe the Demented One was contemplating his next move... I think he felt that he had finally found his match....
"Stop the car" I stop the car and he takes the box cutter and cuts me on the arm.... barely even drawing blood.
"What the hell was that" ?? I scream at him? "I finally meet the Choadlicker and all he does is give me a damn paper cut on the arm"?? I was pissed.. so I stuck my neck out for him to slice...but he only smiled and backed away from the car......Well blow me.....
He then waved his hand (the thumb was missing) and said....
"Take care Fantom1....... you have 9 lives my friend...and you just used 1 of them"
So there is my story of my hitchhiker.... I really thought I was going to be in a Muscle Party Pictures part II there for a minute...Thank you Lord that that did not happen. All I got was a small cut on my forearm from the Goatchild......which I will take anyday instead of the pic party......... Hey!! Wait a minute!! That bastard stole my Tire Iron!!!!!!
So how was your day??
