dealing with anger....(long read disclaimer)

[dreww]

damn dreww buddy... are you sure your not me?? i can relate to you bro... bigtime. My gf (of 4 yrs) and I have been breaking up Eod for the past 4 months... we just got a new puppy, and he died at the vet. My life has been shitty each year and only getting worse (financially). Ive thought SOOOOOOO many times about loading my 1911, and eating a bullet.... no more bills I cant pay, no more bitching GF, no more ANYTHING!! Ive broken down and cried like a little bitch for hours before... over the thought of blowing my brains all over the wall. You know what helped me (and no, im not fixed completely)... 2 things, finding happiness within myself, and God. When no one else is there for you, and you think no body cares, and you feel completely hopeless and deserted by everyone you know, God is there, listening. Im not going to preach, but if you pray, he will listen.

I cant believe I didnt see this thread till now... sorry bro.


Like a few others said... take it one day at a time, and focus on being happy. I know it sounds gay. Im one of the most un-happy motherfuckers you will ever meet, so its xtra hard for me, but I practice everyday, and practice makes perfect as my mommy use to say!! Your not alone brotha

I didn't want to say it, but I have felt suicidal during this time for the first time in my life. Eating a bullet, my exact words. I have no one who I support, no kids or wife, so its not like I would be leaving responsibility behind. I've started a journal and write when im feeling especially bad, I haven't decided if it helps yet. The things I've written in that journal...
I've been taught to never quit....and honestly that is the only thing keeping me from doing it at this point.

I've also broken down and cried more recently than probably all other times of my adult life combined. Your post really hit home. Of course no one will ever hear that but you guys. I've tried talking to god many times in life, but I don't know that he's ever responded. Not to say he's not listening.

 

[big in vegas]

Just think that we were never placed here to be perfect and things will never be harder than they are for us now. But we are always going to be forced with difficult situations no matter what. There's always going to be options in every circumstance and there's always going to be decisions to be made. The thing that sets us apart are the choices we make and we're obviously not always going to make the right ones, but you have to take the good with the bad.

And trust us here, you can't say something in a fight that you'll regret bro. I did with my gf now and I'm never going to live it down. It wasn't good and I wish I could take it back because it's obviously not something I meant, but I am hard headed and immature when I get mad. I've learned through therapy of ways to release my anger in other ways. I can't let things build up to the point where I blow up over stupid shit, so you've gotta face your problems rather than run from them.

Life gets better, it can't always be bad.

 

[big in vegas]

Honestly man, the last time me and my girl broke up, I truly had suicidal thoughts, but it doesn't do any good. You are only curing your problem and creating many more. Despite what you think, people care, we care bro.

 

[Lightsout]

Honestly man, the last time me and my girl broke up, I truly had suicidal thoughts, but it doesn't do any good. You are only curing your problem and creating many more. Despite what you think, people care, we care bro.

I agree 100%... we all have suicidal thoughts... I've been there myself... But when we think like this and we are weak at that time.. And something in are heart is telling us that you are to strong to do it. So right tells you are not going to give up... Because you heart is stronger than you mine.. But I will never fill sorry for someone that dose it. But I will fill sorry for there family...

 

[h8tr3d]

Eating a bullet bro... Come on bro life will never be easy.. But eating a bullet is the pussy way why of getting out of life it's self.. You have to be on of the coolest dude that I have seen on this site .. I have been in some hard times in my life .. But I have to say the lost of my little girl was the hardest thing that I have ever been threw.. And yes we do have to take it one day at a time.. AND YOUR MOTHER WAS RIGHT YOUR NOT ALONE BRO !!!

first off, thats absolutely horrible that you lost a little girl. I cant begin to know what thats like because I dont have any kids. Losing my puppy was hard enough, and I cried all damn day. Im very sorry to hear that brotha. I honestly dont know what I would have done.

Something else Ive learned going through life is... Not everybody handles problems/breakups/job loss/death the same. Whats not as big of a deal to some, is Earth shattering to others.

 

[h8tr3d]

I didn't want to say it, but I have felt suicidal during this time for the first time in my life. Eating a bullet, my exact words. I have no one who I support, no kids or wife, so its not like I would be leaving responsibility behind. I've started a journal and write when im feeling especially bad, I haven't decided if it helps yet. The things I've written in that journal...
I've been taught to never quit....and honestly that is the only thing keeping me from doing it at this point.

I've also broken down and cried more recently than probably all other times of my adult life combined. Your post really hit home. Of course no one will ever hear that but you guys. I've tried talking to god many times in life, but I don't know that he's ever responded. Not to say he's not listening.

I made a vow one day, when I was by myself, and had loaded my .45, and sat there crying/debating what to do for over an hour. I almost let a round slip right in my damn house! And then I realized that thats exactly what the devil wants me to do, so I can go straight to hell immediately. i could almost picture him sitting on my shoulder,like in the older cartoons... telling me to do it, and it will be over, and over=no more problems. The point is, I dont want it over, I just want the problems to stop. So i though how much I hate the devil for this, and If I could see hhim, I would shoot him in the face. So from that day on, I never did that again, because I didnt want to give him the satisfaction. And then I also realized that the greatest gift God gave us is life, and If I take my own, it would be like spitting in his face. so basically from here on out, I have to deal with what is thrown my way, even if I dont like it. man is that tuff to accept. I have daily struggles with that shit...DAILY...

I hope reading this helps you out dreww, only if its just temporary...its nice to know that others are going through the same type of stuff... especially when You feel completely deserted at times

 

[XXXX]

Hey bro Im glad you made this post. As you can tell we all have the ups and down in this world and you are not alone. I have been where you are at and I came through just as you will. Fist off your a straight up man for calling out for help whether you realized it or not and we all answered you. I was raised the same as most of you, we are the alpha males of our families and the strongest ones physically (hell just look at most of us) so to ask for help or share your problems seems weak, well its not. I doscovered long ago you can reach inside and fix that broken part of your machiney thats helping you feel the way you do. yes there are environmental factors and we get frustrated just like everyone else on the planet. You dont worry yourself over little things and brotha they are all little things! I had to move away from where i lived to get things going good and that was a huge leap for me but it made a huge difference. You do what you need to do for you and when your happy you can make others happy.
If you have people who are there for you dont bite the hand that feeds you, and talk man. Communication is important dont bottle it up until you explode like i did and ruin so many relationships before. We do understand and apparently most of us have been there so you are not alone, even when you think you are. keep your head up and one foot in front of the other.

 

[The Dude]

I've been taught to never quit....and honestly that is the only thing keeping me from doing it at this point.
.

You've said this a couple times and I think this is at the heart of all of us here. It's what makes us alpha males. It's what separates us from the sheep. This is a deep seeded part of our souls. A gift from god if you will. There is nothing to be ashamed of in talking and you may chose to talk of some things and not of others.
What has always kept me going is at the heart of who I am. I will never quit. Ever.
If we were born centuries earlier we would be celebrated warriors!
Instead we are born now. I'm not going to let bullshit finances and slimy executives or Govt officials beat me. Simply put I will never give up. That is the most powerful attribute a person can have. Everyone stumbles or falls. We always get back up. That's just how it is bro. This is just an injury. It takes time to heal. It's going to mess you up psychologically, but you'll recover. You'll learn and you'll be stronger.
I was told at a young age that I was too skinny. Pathetic, stupid, and that I would never amount to anything. I was told that by my father that he wished I was never born. He said the only things I was good for was wasting his money and wrecking cars and that he was embarrassed of me and he hated me.
By 15 I was bigger and stronger than him. By 16 I was on the Varsity football and wrestling team. I went on to compete in States.
I was making near 200K a year by 25. I've been knocked down more times than I can count. But like you I always get up, I always keep going like you will. This is the only real strength and gift anyone can have. Some fare well due to chance and good fortune. We don't care. We fight. We always have and we always will. Come back here to recharge and recoup, but don't forget that as stupid as it sounds we are the truly powerful ones. It has always been this way and eventually it will come to that again. You see it over and over throughout history.

 

[saudades]

I didn't want to say it, but I have felt suicidal during this time for the first time in my life. Eating a bullet, my exact words. I have no one who I support, no kids or wife, so its not like I would be leaving responsibility behind. I've started a journal and write when im feeling especially bad, I haven't decided if it helps yet. The things I've written in that journal...
I've been taught to never quit....and honestly that is the only thing keeping me from doing it at this point.

I've also broken down and cried more recently than probably all other times of my adult life combined. Your post really hit home. Of course no one will ever hear that but you guys. I've tried talking to god many times in life, but I don't know that he's ever responded. Not to say he's not listening.

I also went through a period just recently where I was feeling that way for the first time in my life, too. With me, it was going to be the blade at the wrists since I don't own a gun. Crying my eyes out, feeling like there was no one there to help me, the thing that stopped me was the thought and feeling of family, others who know me, and God. When we're in this situation, we may think that we would solve everything by not being there, but our actions ripple out. There are more people than you can count that are affected by one person taking their own life. The sadness and pain it creates for them is awful. The brother of a good friend of mine took his life a while back, and my friend said it was so painful for him and his parents that it took them a long time to be even able to face it. There still is great pain for him that he feels he will never get over.

Taking your own life is never the answer. We are put through many things in this life, and they're all to make us better people. I am a very religious person, and I know God listens when we pray and he answers us. We may not always hear a voice directly, but he often speaks through other people's words and action, and personal feelings.

There are better things to come always. Sometimes we need to go and find them rather than wait for them to come to us.

We're all pulling for you, bro. You can always find support for you here.

 

[big in vegas]

I agree 100%... we all have suicidal thoughts... I've been there myself... But when we think like this and we are weak at that time.. And something in are heart is telling us that you are to strong to do it. So right tells you are not going to give up... Because you heart is stronger than you mine.. But I will never fill sorry for someone that dose it. But I will fill sorry for there family...

You and me both bro....dreww, just remember we're all here to listen and give you some place to vent and to keep you positive

 

[dreww]

One.I've always been empathetic to others and helped others I know. But it seems now that I need those things, no one is here to provide them. Kind of makes me want to remember that next time someone needs my help.
as for not going through with it even though im ready to quit, I just don't want to put my family through that. A few years ago my family took a big hit with three deaths close together....including the patriarchs who lead the family and my father. They aren't ready for another hit.
Monday was a bad day, yesterday was just ok, today was a bad day too. I just feel that one GOOD day would really help my spirits. But it seems forever since I had one. I trying like hell to see any little positive things but when I do, im blinded by a slew of bad things.

I guess I have my health...and without that you really have nothing. But this stress might soon take that. Thank you all for your support. I have no blood brothers...but here I have many brothers in iron.

 

[dorian123]

you said that you feel like you don't have anyone, you have us bro...

seems from the posts that we have all felt like eating a bullet (I know I have a few times)

just hang in there, I know it sucks (trust me I know it sucks) but things will get better

look at it like this, when you hit rock bottom there is no where to go except up

 

[dorian123]

Drewww you there, anything gotten better the last few days?

 

[dreww]

Im here. Not really. Im starting to sell all my shift (which ain't much) to makes ends meet. Still not a single call for a job despite over 100 apps. I think im going military. Seems the only place that will hire me. And honestly, it will help my career. If careers exist in america anymore.

 

[big in vegas]

Im here. Not really. Im starting to sell all my shift (which ain't much) to makes ends meet. Still not a single call for a job despite over 100 apps. I think im going military. Seems the only place that will hire me. And honestly, it will help my career. If careers exist in america anymore.

Hey bro, not sure what kind of work you're looking for, but UPS will be hiring soon for seasonal help and they always end up keeping a couple guys after the first of the year...

 

[XXXX]

Try federal brother there are alot of positions on usajobs.gov and if nothing else come visit me at the USOTC and that might lift your spirits some. I applied for a bunch of jobs too and military is always an option if your still young enough and can handle the bull, but sometimes you may have to reloacte to find work. Try insurance companies as well they hire in call centers for a decent wage, dont sell the shit or pay anyone for a job,,,,ever. You have enough hook ups here maybe we can open a job listing forum to help each other out and networking is very important, its not who you know its who knows you! Thats how I got my job.

 

[zooey007]

very helpful to me, thanks.