after training so many years, i have also had these feelings. i felt like "why do i want to be big?" or "why do i need to lift so heavy?" or "maybe i should just turn into a cardio freak and get skinny".
you know what helps. watch pumping iron. that sometimes fuels the fire within.
for most of us, this is all we know, its in our blood. we will never stop.
so stop crying, go eat some pinkies, and boot some deca, and go load on the 45's and when you finish and look in the mirror with that pump that no normal person has ever expirienced, then you will know why you do this.
Die big, Die young, dianabol.