I just had to add this little E-mail I got froma friend it just fits perfect here
For all the men who wonder what goes on in the woman's public washrooms.
>
>
> My mother was a fanatic about public toilets. As a little girl, she'd
> bring
> me in the stall, show me how to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat.
>
> Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat.
>
> Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, never sit on a public toilet seat."
>
> She'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over
> the toilet in
> a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make
> contact with the toilet seat.
>
> By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and we'd go home. That was a long
> time ago. Even now, in our more mature years, "The Stance" is
> excruciatingly difficult to maintain when one's bladder is especially
> full.
>
> When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you find a line of women
> that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Michae l Jordan's
> underwear in there. So, you wait and smile politely at all the other
> ladies, also crossing their legs and smiling politely.
>
> You finally get closer. You check for feet under the stall doors.
>
> Every one is occupied. Finally, a stall door opens and you dash, nearly
> knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door
> won't latch. It doesn't matter.
>
> You hang your purse on the door hook, yank down your pants and assume
> "The Stance." Relief. More relief. Then your thighs begin to shake.
> You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the
> seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance," as your thighs
> experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale.
>
> To take your mind off it, you reach for the toilet paper. The toilet
> paper dispenser is empty. Your thighs shake some more. Then you remember
> the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on. It's in your purse
> e. It will have to do.
>
> You smooth it out, as best you can, then make it as puffy as possible.
> It is still smaller than your thumbnail!
>
> Someone pushes open your stall door, because the latch doesn't work, and
> your purse whams you in the head. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach
> out for the door, dropping your tissue in a puddle and falling backward,
> directly onto the toilet seat.
>
> You get up quickly, but it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact
> with all the germs and life forms on the bare seat, because YOU never
> laid down toilet paper, not that there was any, even if you had had
> enough time. And your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she
> knew.
>
> HER bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat, because frankly,
> "You don't know what kind of diseases you could get."
>
> By this time, the automatic sensor, on the back of the toilet, is so
> confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a
> fountain . Then it suddenly sucks everything down, with such force, that
> you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged to
> China.
>
> At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the splashing water. You're
> exhausted. You try to wipe yourself, with a Chicklet wrapper you found
> in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't
> figure out how to operate the sinks, with the automatic sensors, so you
> wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel, and walk past a line of
> women, still waiting, cross-legged and unable to smile politely at this
> point.
>
> One kind soul, at the very end of the line, points out that you are
> trailing a piece of toilet paper, on your shoe, as long as the
> Mississippi River! You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the
> woman's hand and say warmly, "Here. You're gonna need this."
>
> At this time you see your spouse, who has entered, used, exited his
> bathroom, read a copy of War and Peace, while waiting for you. "What
> took you so long?" he asks, annoyed.
>
> This is when you smile sweetly, kick him sharply in the shins and go
> home.
>
>
> This is dedicated to all women everywhere who have ever had to
> deal with a public toilet (which is pretty much all of us, isn't it?).
> And it should finally explain to all you men "what takes us so long!"