hmm...well sachet already pointed out everything I said and more. just read that after I posted this. I guess us guys have a low attention span, eh?
...oh well...
...oh well...
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Badgermoon
Guest
You both said it very well. Sachet, thank you for that insight. It gave me food for thought. I am not at all like the person you described, but I can see how I may have come off that way once in a while. The pressures of supporting a wife and 2 kids was a big job sometimes. She was trying to hold down a household alone, and I was gone all week, getting by on about 15 hours sleep some weeks.
biggerstronger... you have learned much for your age. I wish I had been that insightful when I was 20.
Al. You are going through a stressful time right now. And it is testing your mettle for sure. Try to remember (and it will be hard sometimes) that your wife is also going through a stressful time with this. I know you are insightful, and don't need me to remind you of that. But, maybe just mention it to her, and tell her how much you appreciate that she is trying too.
I think the best lesson I've ever learned, was to tell someone out loud, that you notice something like that. Or, just say I love you at times that let her know it is with you always.
I hope things work out for the best.
biggerstronger... you have learned much for your age. I wish I had been that insightful when I was 20.
Al. You are going through a stressful time right now. And it is testing your mettle for sure. Try to remember (and it will be hard sometimes) that your wife is also going through a stressful time with this. I know you are insightful, and don't need me to remind you of that. But, maybe just mention it to her, and tell her how much you appreciate that she is trying too.
I think the best lesson I've ever learned, was to tell someone out loud, that you notice something like that. Or, just say I love you at times that let her know it is with you always.
I hope things work out for the best.
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WeirdAl
Guest
to the tune of "Without Me" by Eminem
Guess who's back, back again
WeirdAl's back, tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back,
Guess who's back. Guess who's back…
Anyway, just a little update to let people know the dry spell is over. It's kind of funny that things seem to have been at their bleakest right before they got better. My wife and I had a pretty crappy marriage counseling session this past week, and a long discussion afterwards that started off really bad, but got a lot better towards the end. BTW, that same day, my wife started taking b vitamin complex pills.
Anyway, we were getting along well following that, and my wife seemed to be in better spirits. Still stressing a little bit about school and stuff, but not working I think is helping quite a lot, and she is able to dedicate more time to studying without feeling rushed. And, we both made some comprimises to hopefully work better as a team around the house....
Guess who's back, back again
WeirdAl's back, tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back,
Guess who's back. Guess who's back…
Anyway, just a little update to let people know the dry spell is over. It's kind of funny that things seem to have been at their bleakest right before they got better. My wife and I had a pretty crappy marriage counseling session this past week, and a long discussion afterwards that started off really bad, but got a lot better towards the end. BTW, that same day, my wife started taking b vitamin complex pills.
Anyway, we were getting along well following that, and my wife seemed to be in better spirits. Still stressing a little bit about school and stuff, but not working I think is helping quite a lot, and she is able to dedicate more time to studying without feeling rushed. And, we both made some comprimises to hopefully work better as a team around the house....
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WeirdAl
Guest
That was wednesday. Thurs, I woke up and still didn't really feel that great about our relationship. We got to spend more time together thurs (I came home early), and I was picking up on some body language, but didn't want to act on it. Friday I worked from home... Some time in the early afternoon, my wife started asking about this forum (I had showed her some stuff in here wed, but she just read the thread I sent her), so I sent her the link to another thread. She read that, then started going down the list, reading threads. I was like "Uh oh... " She came across some of my comments, mostly a couple of one liners where I was expressing frustration about lack of sex, etc. She basically read a couple of those, and got pretty upset, and we had a big, heated discussion. She was mostly upset that I was posting things on a board with 6k members that were personal, or might have a bad reflection on her. I tried to explain that for me, this is my support group, and a pretty much annonymous one at that....
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WeirdAl
Guest
Part of the reason that she said she was upset is that we know a couple from the board in real life, who obviously had read the posts, and she was worried what they would think, so it's not entirely anonymous.....
She wanted to know why I didn't talk to her about those things. I said I have talked to her about most of them, but for the most part, I hadn't talked recently about how frustrated I am sexually because I felt like that would be putting more pressure on her. She then said she was very frustrated sexually too (big surprised look from me), and I pressed for what she meant
She made me talk first...
Anyway, it was pretty clear that the interest was there (or back) on her part. Part of the problem (at least now, and probably in a small part all along) is that she wants me to be the aggressor. Part of my problem is that I don't want to force myself on her when she clearly isn't interested, and also I'm a bit unclear on how to be aggressive. The overly attentive thing was certainly not working, not at all what she was after. She didn't want to tell me, because she feels like that is still her being aggresive (dictating my behavior). Anyway, we talked a bit more, but I still wasn't clear on how to initiate things. And while obviously we were both in the mood (remember, it had been what, 6 weeks at this point since the last time, and about the same amount of time (before valentines day) since the time before... But, time to pick up the damn kids! Argh!!!!!
She wanted to know why I didn't talk to her about those things. I said I have talked to her about most of them, but for the most part, I hadn't talked recently about how frustrated I am sexually because I felt like that would be putting more pressure on her. She then said she was very frustrated sexually too (big surprised look from me), and I pressed for what she meant
She made me talk first...Anyway, it was pretty clear that the interest was there (or back) on her part. Part of the problem (at least now, and probably in a small part all along) is that she wants me to be the aggressor. Part of my problem is that I don't want to force myself on her when she clearly isn't interested, and also I'm a bit unclear on how to be aggressive. The overly attentive thing was certainly not working, not at all what she was after. She didn't want to tell me, because she feels like that is still her being aggresive (dictating my behavior). Anyway, we talked a bit more, but I still wasn't clear on how to initiate things. And while obviously we were both in the mood (remember, it had been what, 6 weeks at this point since the last time, and about the same amount of time (before valentines day) since the time before... But, time to pick up the damn kids! Argh!!!!!
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WeirdAl
Guest
Anyway, 4 hours later, after the kids are asleep, she goes upstairs and hop in the shower. You know damn straight I come right in. Anyway, I probably wasn't as aggressive as she'd like, but we still ended up having sex in the shower. It was very nice, even though I don't like doing the whole thing in the shower. Anyway, dry spell over! And I think it was nice for her (she really likes the shower), but definitely not anything earth shattering, if you know what I mean, which disappointed me a little.
Saturday I went down to a bb show, and she hung out in town with the kids, going garage sailing and stuff. I got home, hit the gym, etc. We had planned to go out to a party her friends were having, so my sister and brother in law came over and babysat. Got to the restaurant, and no party! Waited for awhile, etc. Turns out we had the time wrong (we were 90 minutes early), but didn't know. Finally gave up, and looked for something to do. Ended up going to a dinner and a movie place (they serve you dinner while you watch the movie), and watched Daredevil. Briefly discussed going to a strip club afterwards, but decided it was too late, so went home. I ended up not making any moves that night, not 100% sure why, I was certainly in the mood, probably just still unsure of myself....
Saturday I went down to a bb show, and she hung out in town with the kids, going garage sailing and stuff. I got home, hit the gym, etc. We had planned to go out to a party her friends were having, so my sister and brother in law came over and babysat. Got to the restaurant, and no party! Waited for awhile, etc. Turns out we had the time wrong (we were 90 minutes early), but didn't know. Finally gave up, and looked for something to do. Ended up going to a dinner and a movie place (they serve you dinner while you watch the movie), and watched Daredevil. Briefly discussed going to a strip club afterwards, but decided it was too late, so went home. I ended up not making any moves that night, not 100% sure why, I was certainly in the mood, probably just still unsure of myself....
BLEED GREEN
New member
I am probably interrupting your writing- I am seriously really glad to read all this my friend...
They say good things come to those who wait......
They say good things come to those who wait......
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WeirdAl
Guest
So sunday, both went to the gym (her, then me) in the morning. I was happy when I got home from the gym that she hadn't showered and gotten cleaned up and stuff, she was out gardening. I came out and we worked for a little while, then went to lunch (we always go to mexican on sundays, our "free day" from dieting). Came home, worked out in the yard for about 4 hours, I got burned to a crisp But we got a lot of our veggie garden planted, I mowed the front yard, we did a lot of weeding, and pruning of the trees. Basically, we were both beat by the time we came in at 6. Shower time, both hopped in the shower. I was still a little apprehensive, didn't really do anything other than shower.
Got out of the shower, I started trying to mess around a little. She wasn't being to receptive, said she wasn't really in the mood. I asked if there as anything I could do to get her in the mood. She wouldn't really give me clues, I think she finally said something about being aggressive. I'm not sure exactly what happened next - I think I was somewhat aggressive, probably not aggresive enough, but took her into the bedroom. At that point, I think it was pretty clear I wasn't being aggressive enough, so I stepped things up a big. I think she said something playful like she was going to escape... I think I pushed her down on the bed (forcefully), etc. She told me I was going to have to make her do whatever if I wanted anything, and hinted or came right out and said I'd have to tie her up.
But we got a lot of our veggie garden planted, I mowed the front yard, we did a lot of weeding, and pruning of the trees. Basically, we were both beat by the time we came in at 6. Shower time, both hopped in the shower. I was still a little apprehensive, didn't really do anything other than shower.Got out of the shower, I started trying to mess around a little. She wasn't being to receptive, said she wasn't really in the mood. I asked if there as anything I could do to get her in the mood. She wouldn't really give me clues, I think she finally said something about being aggressive. I'm not sure exactly what happened next - I think I was somewhat aggressive, probably not aggresive enough, but took her into the bedroom. At that point, I think it was pretty clear I wasn't being aggressive enough, so I stepped things up a big. I think she said something playful like she was going to escape... I think I pushed her down on the bed (forcefully), etc. She told me I was going to have to make her do whatever if I wanted anything, and hinted or came right out and said I'd have to tie her up.
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WeirdAl
Guest
Ok, I can do that (the tying up). This isn't a first, but it's been awhile, a year or more, since that's been a part of our sex life. At that point, I realized that she really wanted me to be dominant, and I was certainly getting into that role.
Anyway, I don't need to go into the details, I don't think. They'd be pretty graphic... But to me, everything was fair game, even though she had told me some things that she didn't really care for, or had to really be in the mood for (oral sex - either giving or receiving).
Anyway... It was absolutely incredible. 2 hours or so later, we were done (kids were downstairs watching tv or something, btw. We tried some really new things that both of us had fantasized about for awhile (neither of us knew the other had) that were just out of this world. We both said it was the best sex we'd ever had! It certainly wasn't an exageration on my part, and I don't think it was for her, either. It was like we were back in college again (we used to have sex 4-6 times a day then - it was pretty new to both of us at the time), except that we knew what the hell we were doing! I was pretty sure this was the start, or at least a major gaining of momentum, of something really nice.
Anyway, I don't need to go into the details, I don't think. They'd be pretty graphic... But to me, everything was fair game, even though she had told me some things that she didn't really care for, or had to really be in the mood for (oral sex - either giving or receiving).
Anyway... It was absolutely incredible. 2 hours or so later, we were done (kids were downstairs watching tv or something, btw. We tried some really new things that both of us had fantasized about for awhile (neither of us knew the other had) that were just out of this world. We both said it was the best sex we'd ever had! It certainly wasn't an exageration on my part, and I don't think it was for her, either. It was like we were back in college again (we used to have sex 4-6 times a day then - it was pretty new to both of us at the time), except that we knew what the hell we were doing!
I was pretty sure this was the start, or at least a major gaining of momentum, of something really nice.
BLEED GREEN
New member
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WeirdAl
Guest
BTW, finally went down and cooked dinner - we didn't end up eating till like 9:30 sunday night! Bed time, and even though I was in the mood again, didn't press the issue - I don't think she was. I did fall asleep next to her - something we never do, mostly because she doesn't particularly like touching in bed, or hasn't recently - and it was really nice. Finally about an hour later, we each needed our space, but again, another clear indication that things were a lot different now.
I basically didn't sleep well all night, still majorly aroused. Got up early, hit the gym, with the intention of going to work early so I could come home early
Got home from the gym - she had had crazy dreams all night, and was very aroused. Unfortunatly, she had to leave for class an hour later, so we both decided to wait till the afternoon.
Damn was that torture, especially since she was on AIM msg'ing me all day about not being able to keep her hands off of herself, and how she really wished I was home. Needless to say, I couldn't concentrate much at work. Finally, gave up and went home! To say I sped a little would be an understatement (she had gone to the gym just a little before I headed out on the 30 mile drive home).
So got home, she was in the shower... she knew I was there, watching her, but I didn't know she knew. So she put on a show for me till I couldn't stand it anymore! Went in fully clothed and dragged her out!
Anyway, pretty awesome again! For me, at least. I did learn that there are certain things, especially new things, you don't want to do 2 days in a row! Another nice, long session, but she didn't get to finish, and it was time to get the kids. I showed her my porn collection that I'd d/l'd off of kazaa, and grabbed some clothes, and picked the kids up. Took them home, fixed them some quick dinner, turned on cartoons, and told them if they came upstairs they were going to bed, lol.
I basically didn't sleep well all night, still majorly aroused. Got up early, hit the gym, with the intention of going to work early so I could come home early
Got home from the gym - she had had crazy dreams all night, and was very aroused. Unfortunatly, she had to leave for class an hour later, so we both decided to wait till the afternoon.
Damn was that torture, especially since she was on AIM msg'ing me all day about not being able to keep her hands off of herself, and how she really wished I was home. Needless to say, I couldn't concentrate much at work. Finally, gave up and went home! To say I sped a little would be an understatement (she had gone to the gym just a little before I headed out on the 30 mile drive home).
So got home, she was in the shower... she knew I was there, watching her, but I didn't know she knew. So she put on a show for me till I couldn't stand it anymore! Went in fully clothed and dragged her out!
Anyway, pretty awesome again! For me, at least. I did learn that there are certain things, especially new things, you don't want to do 2 days in a row! Another nice, long session, but she didn't get to finish, and it was time to get the kids. I showed her my porn collection that I'd d/l'd off of kazaa, and grabbed some clothes, and picked the kids up. Took them home, fixed them some quick dinner, turned on cartoons, and told them if they came upstairs they were going to bed, lol.
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WeirdAl
Guest
Anway, time for more sex! Another nice long bout, till she was spent... I tried to keep going on my own, but ended up falling off the bed, lol, which pretty much ruined the moment for me (didn't get hurt, it was mostly funny, but I just wasn't into it anymore), which was just fine.
Downstairs and ate, talked, etc. Started looking at adult toy and clothing sites, shopping for some things, as she has a shopping trip planned with her best friend today Basically did that most of the evening, showing eachother the things we saw that interested us, etc... I sent her the link to the this forum again, and she started reading everything, top to bottom. I tried to skim ahead quickly, and make sure I hadn't said anything I regretted, or whatever. I'd told her about this thread, and some others... and told her I was reading ahead
Anyway... hopefully it made her feel better about things - I think it did. She asked if I was going to post an update or anything, so here it is and then some!
Finally went upstairs - we were both aroused, me more than her, but she wasn't particularly interested in pursuing things. She suggested that I go ahead and take care of things if I wanted, so I wouldn't be tormented all night. So I started right there, while we talked. Well, that certainly got her rethinking things!
Anyway, ended up with a nice, slow, long session of lovemaking. I think we both could have gone on forever - it felt great!
So, thanks for all your support. I know this may not last forever, although I hope it does. I feel better about our relationship, and this is less than a week removed from pretty much rock bottom, than I have maybe ever. Even if this doesn't last, it has shown me what things can be like, that there is hope, which is something I think we both really needed.
Downstairs and ate, talked, etc. Started looking at adult toy and clothing sites, shopping for some things, as she has a shopping trip planned with her best friend today
Basically did that most of the evening, showing eachother the things we saw that interested us, etc... I sent her the link to the this forum again, and she started reading everything, top to bottom. I tried to skim ahead quickly, and make sure I hadn't said anything I regretted, or whatever. I'd told her about this thread, and some others... and told her I was reading ahead Anyway... hopefully it made her feel better about things - I think it did. She asked if I was going to post an update or anything, so here it is and then some!
Finally went upstairs - we were both aroused, me more than her, but she wasn't particularly interested in pursuing things. She suggested that I go ahead and take care of things if I wanted, so I wouldn't be tormented all night. So I started right there, while we talked. Well, that certainly got her rethinking things!
Anyway, ended up with a nice, slow, long session of lovemaking. I think we both could have gone on forever - it felt great!
So, thanks for all your support. I know this may not last forever, although I hope it does. I feel better about our relationship, and this is less than a week removed from pretty much rock bottom, than I have maybe ever. Even if this doesn't last, it has shown me what things can be like, that there is hope, which is something I think we both really needed.
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Choke03
Guest
Awesome news bro. Truely happy that you are happy.
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WeirdAl
Guest
Thanks, guys! And btw, no, I'm not going to post every time I have sex, lol
BLEED GREEN
New member
why not?
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WeirdAl
Guest
BLEED GREEN said:
Hopefully that'd be too much posting, lol
footballcat
Hardly a Newbie
good job AL, nice to hear ur back to rocking ur pants off
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