Just introducing myself

[Etharris]

Not sure where I should post this...but, here is my story.

Guys, Im new here...I get bashed on most boards because it seems like Im crying to most people, but Im really messed up...my life is in shambles and feel constantly like Im going mad...constant nightmare like Im running from the devil.
Long story, but I use anabolics, including tren, form age 26-33 on and off, mostly in. Came of always cold turkey, no pct. I know very stupid...now I know... I stopped for 5 yrs, didn't train at all as I was going through a storm in my life....well, I was trying to rebuild my life again and at 38 got back in gym and started test and tren again...once you've had the taste, the temptation was too much to not use again. But, I was a retard and am paying the price with my life now... I ran test and tren E, 500 to sometimes 750 mgs a week for 3 fu##ing yrs straight...no breaks...then after my fiance left me and then lost my lil job I had...I went into lil depression and came off cold turkey... no pct again.
I have been fighting for my life ever since, 20 months and counting. Symptoms, don't laugh or bash, please, Im already in hell.
Severe depression and anxiety nonstop, 24/7.
Of course all muscle lost and am wasting to nothing
Rapid premature aging
Noibido, impotence, testicular and penile strophy, never any blood flow, vessels have busted on left side of scrotum leaving lil blood pools, penis has lost significant size length and girth, stays cold all the time.
Very low test levels
Skin changed texture, old creepy loose and discoloration on hands, neck and arms.
Chronic lower back pain, joint pain
My hormones are all imbalanced
Social anxiety when I used to be extroverted
O feel like Im going mad, cant thonk about anything but this 24/7, never ends...cant y2k about anything but this...no peace...recluse, nobody will be around me anymore, including family...I can't be around anyone.
Cant work, so I have hard time getting any treatment, no money, no insurance...I have bills everywhere, including child support.
Suicidal...hate to say.

I dont know what to do...Im screwed, don't know away out. I feel like Im stupid, IQ has diminished and feel like Ill never be normal again...I look and feel like shit.

 

[Muscle mechanic]

Not sure where I should post this...but, here is my story.

Guys, Im new here...I get bashed on most boards because it seems like Im crying to most people, but Im really messed up...my life is in shambles and feel constantly like Im going mad...constant nightmare like Im running from the devil.
Long story, but I use anabolics, including tren, form age 26-33 on and off, mostly in. Came of always cold turkey, no pct. I know very stupid...now I know... I stopped for 5 yrs, didn't train at all as I was going through a storm in my life....well, I was trying to rebuild my life again and at 38 got back in gym and started test and tren again...once you've had the taste, the temptation was too much to not use again. But, I was a retard and am paying the price with my life now... I ran test and tren E, 500 to sometimes 750 mgs a week for 3 fu##ing yrs straight...no breaks...then after my fiance left me and then lost my lil job I had...I went into lil depression and came off cold turkey... no pct again.
I have been fighting for my life ever since, 20 months and counting. Symptoms, don't laugh or bash, please, Im already in hell.
Severe depression and anxiety nonstop, 24/7.
Of course all muscle lost and am wasting to nothing
Rapid premature aging
Noibido, impotence, testicular and penile strophy, never any blood flow, vessels have busted on left side of scrotum leaving lil blood pools, penis has lost significant size length and girth, stays cold all the time.
Very low test levels
Skin changed texture, old creepy loose and discoloration on hands, neck and arms.
Chronic lower back pain, joint pain
My hormones are all imbalanced
Social anxiety when I used to be extroverted
O feel like Im going mad, cant thonk about anything but this 24/7, never ends...cant y2k about anything but this...no peace...recluse, nobody will be around me anymore, including family...I can't be around anyone.
Cant work, so I have hard time getting any treatment, no money, no insurance...I have bills everywhere, including child support.
Suicidal...hate to say.

I dont know what to do...Im screwed, don't know away out. I feel like Im stupid, IQ has diminished and feel like Ill never be normal again...I look and feel like shit.

Welcome to MC!
U will get what u need here.
I am almost 41 went through the agony of not coming back. Went thru periods that were rough but I kept my drive with working out.
My total testosterone levels were around 147 for like a year straight and no telling how long lower than that they wouldn't come up. Signal wasn't right at all to match what I had!
During some of my low periods I at least took some SARMS and proviron too.
There are alot of guys who have been where u are.
U gotta push forward find a way to get on trt and get life back on track.
If u are low in testosterone u should get it if not u can use same labs at another dr if u were low and can't afford!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Tapatalk

 

[Jocaflo]

Wow. This sounds like a real predicament! I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Yet, rather than taking the "easy" way (did I read suicide?), consider it to be the challenge of your way. Don't be defeated that easily!

Ok, you have little money and no job. That makes things look worse. Anyway, while I was reading your piece, one word kept coming to my mind: "He probably needs a detoxification! A supervised fasting might work miracles for him." At this point, I can only recommend that you read (online or not) about those subjects as much as possible so you can get a grip on how it could help you with your situation.

 

[BigZ]

Not sure where I should post this...but, here is my story.

Guys, Im new here...I get bashed on most boards because it seems like Im crying to most people, but Im really messed up...my life is in shambles and feel constantly like Im going mad...constant nightmare like Im running from the devil.
Long story, but I use anabolics, including tren, form age 26-33 on and off, mostly in. Came of always cold turkey, no pct. I know very stupid...now I know... I stopped for 5 yrs, didn't train at all as I was going through a storm in my life....well, I was trying to rebuild my life again and at 38 got back in gym and started test and tren again...once you've had the taste, the temptation was too much to not use again. But, I was a retard and am paying the price with my life now... I ran test and tren E, 500 to sometimes 750 mgs a week for 3 fu##ing yrs straight...no breaks...then after my fiance left me and then lost my lil job I had...I went into lil depression and came off cold turkey... no pct again.
I have been fighting for my life ever since, 20 months and counting. Symptoms, don't laugh or bash, please, Im already in hell.
Severe depression and anxiety nonstop, 24/7.
Of course all muscle lost and am wasting to nothing
Rapid premature aging
Noibido, impotence, testicular and penile strophy, never any blood flow, vessels have busted on left side of scrotum leaving lil blood pools, penis has lost significant size length and girth, stays cold all the time.
Very low test levels
Skin changed texture, old creepy loose and discoloration on hands, neck and arms.
Chronic lower back pain, joint pain
My hormones are all imbalanced
Social anxiety when I used to be extroverted
O feel like Im going mad, cant thonk about anything but this 24/7, never ends...cant y2k about anything but this...no peace...recluse, nobody will be around me anymore, including family...I can't be around anyone.
Cant work, so I have hard time getting any treatment, no money, no insurance...I have bills everywhere, including child support.
Suicidal...hate to say.

I dont know what to do...Im screwed, don't know away out. I feel like Im stupid, IQ has diminished and feel like Ill never be normal again...I look and feel like shit.

I understand that life is tough, but I'm not sure what you are looking for. We won't laugh at you or bash you. We can advise you the best we can, but you will have to understand that we aren't doctors in any shape or form so any advice you you receive and deem to follow here will be at your own risk.

What follows here are my own opinions.

Seems to me that you need to step back and take a hard look at your life. While life can be hard--you've undoubtedly been set back pretty far--you first came to look for solutions so everything is not lost. If you are willing, you can make some hard decisions to fix these things. I'll ask you.. you say you can't work.. why is that? Are you completely unable to stand or move? If pride is keeping you from taking simple jobs you don't want to do, then you better ask yourself if your pride is worth it. If you can physically move, there is nothing that says you can't take a labor job. If you have to take a job that only pays $9-10 hr, like working fast food or working at the post office--that's at least something. You obviously have access to a computer, perhaps find something you can do on the computer. Do what you have to do. Work to better yourself because no one can do it for you. Don't flounder around feeling sorry for yourself. Put yourself to work doing SOMETHING, and you'll be glad you did.

A story about WILL: My mother-in-law contracted ALS (Lou Gehrigs disease) a few years after I was married. Some months before she died, she had a hard time walking, eating, talking, holding things, you name it. When we visited her, we went to a grocery store with her to help her get some things. At one point we noticed that she had gone off in some other direction so we went to look for her. We found her in the produce section getting a large bag of oranges. We told her we could help her with it, but her response was .. "If I can still move at all, I'm going to do it myself.. I will keep working and moving until I literally can't. I don't want people to do things for me if I can still do it myself." And she insisted on carrying the 10 lb bag of oranges to the checkout herself because she said she could still do it. That is WILL. The will to work.. to do for yourself because you can.

So go work doing something.. anything. Do the work to help yourself find any other kind of supplemental programs that might benefit you. Become known as the first person who will jump in and work to do something, make it a habit. Work hard, harder than you've ever worked. DO IT then do it again. This will be the root of what will help you get back where you want to be. There won't be any other way.

I hope you will be able to pull yourself up. I've given you a hand to reach, you just need to grab it and pull. It sounds simplistic because it is. Do what you have to do, do the work.

Good luck!

 

[yesidont]

sorry to hear that, but you must to do smething, we all know its easy to say . If you messed up with your body you know that you must start TRT, to feel better to have power and motivation to do something, not 750me per week but 200-250 mg per week, if you dnt have insurance or cash for that i may give to you 10ml vial of test becuse ive ordered cycle and have free vial but still you need to go to work and do something with your life

 

[Presser]

welcome brutha

 

[LeatherHead]

I understand that life is tough, but I'm not sure what you are looking for. We won't laugh at you or bash you. We can advise you the best we can, but you will have to understand that we aren't doctors in any shape or form so any advice you you receive and deem to follow here will be at your own risk.

What follows here are my own opinions.

Seems to me that you need to step back and take a hard look at your life. While life can be hard--you've undoubtedly been set back pretty far--you first came to look for solutions so everything is not lost. If you are willing, you can make some hard decisions to fix these things. I'll ask you.. you say you can't work.. why is that? Are you completely unable to stand or move? If pride is keeping you from taking simple jobs you don't want to do, then you better ask yourself if your pride is worth it. If you can physically move, there is nothing that says you can't take a labor job. If you have to take a job that only pays $9-10 hr, like working fast food or working at the post office--that's at least something. You obviously have access to a computer, perhaps find something you can do on the computer. Do what you have to do. Work to better yourself because no one can do it for you. Don't flounder around feeling sorry for yourself. Put yourself to work doing SOMETHING, and you'll be glad you did.

A story about WILL: My mother-in-law contracted ALS (Lou Gehrigs disease) a few years after I was married. Some months before she died, she had a hard time walking, eating, talking, holding things, you name it. When we visited her, we went to a grocery store with her to help her get some things. At one point we noticed that she had gone off in some other direction so we went to look for her. We found her in the produce section getting a large bag of oranges. We told her we could help her with it, but her response was .. "If I can still move at all, I'm going to do it myself.. I will keep working and moving until I literally can't. I don't want people to do things for me if I can still do it myself." And she insisted on carrying the 10 lb bag of oranges to the checkout herself because she said she could still do it. That is WILL. The will to work.. to do for yourself because you can.

So go work doing something.. anything. Do the work to help yourself find any other kind of supplemental programs that might benefit you. Become known as the first person who will jump in and work to do something, make it a habit. Work hard, harder than you've ever worked. DO IT then do it again. This will be the root of what will help you get back where you want to be. There won't be any other way.

I hope you will be able to pull yourself up. I've given you a hand to reach, you just need to grab it and pull. It sounds simplistic because it is. Do what you have to do, do the work.

Good luck!

I, too, had a mother-in-law that was taken way too soon by ALS. Almost 2 years to the day from the time she was diagnosed, she passed in her sleep. She fought and fought and tried to do everything herself, until she physically was unable. Sometimes even after she was unable, she'd still try. She refused to give up. That's how we should all be. Fight until you're dead.

My mother beat stage 4 cancer. She married a great guy and a month later found out that she had cancer. Within another month, she was in the hospital getting her lower jaw removed and a bone out of her leg removed so they could make a new jaw bone. After that, she had to learn how to chew, talk, swallow, and drink again. I watched her endure things that I would not wish on anyone. She fought and fought and refused to lose. She is my hero. The doc said that 90% of people would have died because they don't have the internal fortitude or desire for life. She beat the odds, she beat death, and she is now living a good life. She's had to make changes and adjustments to her daily activities, but she's adapted and has overcome. Again, like we should all do.

I have been in situations where I knew in my head, my men and I were going to all be killed in a very horrible way, but my HEART wouldn't accept that. I had to pick my men up out of the pit of despair and tell them that I'm not accepting failure or death today. We WILL defeat our enemies, do our jobs, and bring every swinging dick home, safe and sound. LOSING or QUITTING are not an option. Needless to say, I'm here, and I brought every man and every piece of gear back safe... not completely unscathed, but alive and well.

Moral of these stories are NEVER GIVE UP!! Every single one of us has a beast/desire/will/drive inside to succeed and win. You just have to find yours and tap into it. There's no reason why you can't turn your life around and be on the shiny side of the road again.

 

[yellow snow]

Ok, you have little money and no job. That makes things look worse. Anyway, while I was reading your piece, one word kept coming to my mind: "He probably needs a detoxification! A supervised fasting might work miracles for him." At this point, I can only recommend that you read (online or not) about those subjects as much as possible so you can get a grip on how it could help you with your situation.

First of all welcome. This is one of the more "friendly" BB sites around. Your life sounds toxic, I would agree with a supervised fast. I have done fasts in the fast and the body is designed to take breaks and this may be one of the best things you could try. Not that I am trying to fix you, but this may really be helpful!